Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex (And What To Do About It)

Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Relationships from the past can have a direct influence on your life, even years after the relationship has ended. The reason for this is because God created us for intimacy and friendship, and God designed us in such a way that we become connected with those we love on more than just a physical level.

In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

In 1 Samuel 18:1 we read about the friendship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship was really strong and the Bible says the soul of Jonathan was bonded to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved David as himself.

This is a wonderful mystery, and God ties us to those we love for the purpose of unity.

However, when relationships turn out differently than we thought they would, breaking them up can be more complex than we realise. This is especially true for relationships where romance was involved.

You Can Have Victory

If you find yourself thinking about someone from the past a lot – especially when things are tough in your current relationship – it is important to pause and properly break the ties with that person from the past so you can focus on your future.

A friend of mine came to me with this exact problem. He said that for some reason he just couldn’t stop thinking about his girlfriend from many years ago. Even though he is happily married, and even though he does not want to think about the girl whom he loved in his previous life, he just couldn’t forget about her.

I then explained to my friend what the biblical answer to dealing with this problem is. About 6 months later I asked him how it was going, and he said he had to think about what I was referring to, as he had completely forgotten about his ex from many years ago.

For the Christian there are two ways of dealing with this problem. The first is to use the authority you have in Jesus Christ to break the soul ties with that person. The second is to put the relationship behind you, also by using the authority you have in Jesus Christ.

Breaking Unholy Soul Ties

Bring the person you need to break ties with before God, ask Him to bless them, and then ask God to untie you from them.

Mean it.

It is likely you will need to search your heart for any unforgiveness towards your ex (or the person you need to break free from). Forgive them if you need to forgive. Do not hold on to unforgiveness, as you are then deliberately choosing to stay connected with your ex, through unforgiveness.

After you have truly forgiven them, declare out loud and in the name of Jesus Christ that you are no longer connected to that person, and that you have no desire to still be connected to that person on a soulish level.

To understand why your declaration needs to be made out loud, it may help to read Why The Words You Speak Matter.

Put The Relationship Behind You

The more difficult part is choosing to put the relationship behind you. Sometimes there is a part of us that still wants to be connected to the other person. Here you will have to make a deliberate decision to be free from your ex and to go on with your life.

Philippians 3:13 says, “… but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.”

Therefore, pray and declare out loud, in the name of Jesus, that you are putting the relationship with your ex (or whoever the person is) behind you.

Declare out loud that your desire is for the person you are married to instead – even if you don’t feel like it right now. If you are not married, declare your desire will be for the person you will one day be married to, and that no other person will hold the place in your heart which your spouse or future spouse is supposed to hold.

Do this as many times as necessary (even if you have to do it multiple times a day), until the unhealthy connection with the other person has been broken completely.

If you are not familiar with the principle of putting off the old and putting on the new, you may want to read more about it in the post where I talk about how to Change Bad Behaviour In Adults. It is also the principle we use to renew our mind, as described in the post called If You Have Filled Your Mind With Junk, Here Is How To Clean It.

I would also encourage you to read the post on how to Deal With Lust & Sexual Sin Effectively, as it is also sometimes needed to completely break with relationships from the past.

If this post has been helpful, please leave a comment below as to encourage other readers as well.

5 thoughts on “Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex (And What To Do About It)

  1. I’m a Christian and I keep thinking about my past crush/boyfriend when I was 14-15 now I’m 36years of age still thinking about him is it normal.

    1. I would say it is “normal”, but not right, which is why I wrote this article. Best to put the past behind you and embrace the plans God has for your life.

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